FAMILY
COMMUNICATIONS
Do
you like what is being said in your family? Is anybody listening?
Your family’s communications are probably
okay. Most family’s communications would rate in the
healthy range. And if you’ve never had to think about
it, that’s where your family would likely fall.
But perhaps you’ve thought, we’re
not as close as we were before the kids got older. Or, There
just doesn’t seem to be time to talk these days. Sometimes
we harbor thoughts like, That makes me mad, but I don’t
really want to talk about it and start a fight. So you decide
to just forget it.
What
makes good family communications?
Healthy communications (and thus healthy families)
has three common qualities.
1. The open expression of feelings, even anger,
fear, frustration
2. Understanding other’s needs and accepting their right
to those needs
3. Courtesy and respect among family members
All families have conflicts. This is normal.
Healthy conflict is not bad. But when conflicts arise, the
ability to solve them openly and in a way that is acceptable
to other family members says a lot about a family’s
communications and it’s overall health. Relationships
are “good” when you feel okay about saying what
you feel when you feel it.
Do
you like what you hear?
How does your family communicate? Do you like
what is said and how it is said?
If not, and if you want to work on it, try
getting your family together to express your concerns in a
non-blaming way. Often, if problems have not been allowed
to build over too long a time, your mutual respect, friendship,
and love for one another will make self-help possible.
But families sometimes find it difficult to
reach an understanding. Sometimes the desire for change is
not mutual. A professional counselor may then be needed. Seeking
and accepting professional help does not mean you are admitting
failure. Your family’s communications can be as healthy
as you want them to be. In addition, little problems become
big ones if left unattended.
How
can a professional counselor help?
• A counselor can help you and your
family get some perspective on your problems. An outside observer’s
impartial viewpoint goes a long way toward resolving family
and marital conflict.
• A counselor can help you work through important issues.
Disagreements are discussed from an objective viewpoint and
are often settled.
• A counselor can teach you and your family the skills
you need to help your family solve it’s own problems
in the future. Such skills include how to listen carefully
to each other, how to fight fair, and how to compromise and
cooperate.
How
do I know if I need professional help?
Your assistance program, local crisis line,
mental health center or community resource center can help
you decide what is best for you and your family. Help is available.
Remember your Employee Assistance Program
is:
• Confidential: All information is kept strictly
between you and your counselor
• Informal: A simple phone call starts the
process and there’s no red tape.
For
assistance call Hidalgo Health Associates at:
800-448-4470
Used with permission © 1987, 1996 by Hazelden Foundation,
Revised 1996. All rights reserved. For more information about
the Hazelden Foundation please visit: http://www.hazelden.org
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