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SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES

Like two parent families, each single-parent family is unique. Yet most single-parent families suffer some of the same underlying problems and pressures.

Single-parent families are usually due to divorce (three out of five cases), death of a spouse, forced separation, (military service, incarceration) or sometimes abandonment. Very few single-parent homes are voluntary. Even in those cases of a congenial divorce, no matter how much of a relief splitting up may seem to be, the absence of a parent remains a family trauma that requires major adjustments for both parents and children. Raising a family single handedly is a difficult task.

The benefits of a single parent family

Single parenting can be as joyful and rewarding as raising a family within the more traditional two-parent structure. But your family will need an extra measure of understanding, patience and cooperation. Meeting this challenge can make you strong and adaptable and encourage a special sense of independence and confidence.

Children in single-parent homes often have a special opportunity to grow from broad contact with other adults and children. For example, visiting the absent parent offers children the chance to travel and make new friends. By sharing these experiences in stories, children help establish their own identity within the family. In this way, what seems at first to be a negative situation can be turned into a positive one.

For you, as the single parent, the benefits may seem less clear. Being both mom and dad and a reliable productive adult can be difficult.

Sometimes your life will feel out of control, but remember that you are not alone. There are millions of women and men in much the same situation. You have an opportunity to meet important challenges and to enhance your self-confidence and self-image.

The problems and pressures

The first step in reaching a degree of peace, harmony and cooperation in a single-parent family is identifying and facing the sources of stress. Some sources may not be obvious at first.

1. The loss of “self” and of personal, private time is a problem for any parent, single or not. But, when parenting alone, the demands are especially time-consuming.
2. Resentments and anger can be revived over and over because you are forced to maintain a connection with an ex-spouse and former in-laws. The tensions can be destructive to everyone involved, especially to the children who are caught in the middle.
3. When the family is broken up, children often begin disruptive or destructive behavior. You, as the single parent, bear the brunt of their behavior and its consequences. Although you are not directly responsible for it, anger and guilt can confuse you into taking all the blame.
4. Financial pressures, particularly for single mothers, can be overwhelming. The ongoing stress of a shaky financial situation affects aspects of a family’s life.
5. Along with meeting greater family demand, a single parent must be a productive employee. You may become overwhelmed and fear you’ll lose your job.

Finding help

If the pressures of single-parenting are building and you need some help, resources are available.

• Single-parenting support groups share common problems and solutions with others who understand your feelings.
• Single-parenting networking can help you combine resources, skills and services (for example, cooking, cleaning, baby sitting as well as financial and legal advice).
• Debt relief or credit / financial counseling are available to help evaluate your financial status and establish a realist financial plan for your family.
• Time management counseling will help you learn how to manage your time effectively (in agreement with your children) and allow you to reserve time for personal relaxation and recreation.
• Family counseling can help your children cope with their own stresses; it can help them become part of family problem solving and thus strengthen the family.
• Personal counseling allows for you to devote uninterrupted time to your own concerns in order to get through a crisis or restore a positive attitude.

If your struggle carries you beyond the ability of nonprofessionals, contact you EAP, local crisis line, mental health clinic or community resource center. One of them will be able to guide you through this difficult time in your life.

Remember your Employee Assistance Program is:
• Confidential: All information is kept strictly between you and your counselor
• Informal: A simple phone call starts the process and there’s no red tape.

For assistance call Hidalgo Health Associates at:
800-448-4470