PARENTING TEENS

The search for personal identity begins in the teen years, a time of searching and self discovery, of optimism and joy, challenges and risk taking.

As parents, we may be in conflict with the seemingly misguided and unwise directions our teenagers take. It helps if we understand that a teenager is a bundle of contradictions moving through a series of predictable phases. If we understand the phases and anticipate the changes, it is easier to cope with the contradictions and trust the path teenagers take toward adulthood.

Emotional maturity in a teenager lags behind physical maturity. As parents we often experience problems as we attempt to deal with the emotional child in the physical adult. Physical maturation happens automatically in a healthy person, but emotional growth requires conscious effort. In the transition from childhood to adulthood, teenagers react with both enthusiasm and fear, at times returning to the comfort of childhood behavior.

Signs of turmoil

The teen years are a time of testing and experimenting. Teenagers are often easily led by peers, fads, and other influences. In their search for self-identity and independence, some rebellion and self-destructive behavior is not unusual.

As parents, our task is to distinguish the subtle differences between the normal difficulties all teenagers go through and the more serious difficulties that some teenagers encounter.

It is normal for teenagers to struggle as they learn to cope with

• Feeling different
• Feeling inadequate
• Parental rejection
• Anger (often based on sense of loss or fear)
• Reluctance to take responsibility
• Confusion or concern about sexual matters
• Fear of future jobs (jobs or education)

With the support of effective parenting, most teenagers get through this traumatic period successfully. But some are still unable to deal with this phase of development and experience depression, phobias, alcohol or other drug abuse, eating disorders, or severe anxiety. These problems are associated with the pressures of school or work, sexual development and parental expectations.

We can help teenagers to mature by helping them develop feelings of competency at activities that are common to teenagers, instance academic subjects, hobbies and recreational activities. We can come to understand and accept the uncertainties and doubts that confront them. Be being healthy role models, we can guide our teenagers toward a new perception of self worth and help them to cope with life’s ups and downs. And still, they are at serious risk.

Symptoms of alcohol and other drugs

Alcohol and other drugs offer great potential for self-destructive behavior among young people. We are often uncertain about when to intervene and what steps to take. Simply recognizing the signs of substance abuse is complicated because of the different types of drugs and their frequency of use. Her are some of the symptoms of alcohol or other drug abuse:

• Withdrawal from friends and activities
• Drop in school performance
• Decrease in motivation
• Chronic, low grade depression
• Tense, brooding restlessness
• Difficult interpersonal relations
• Muscular twitches, hand tremors
• Heavy sweating
• Lack of physical coordination, muddled speech
• Seriously impaired judgment

Not all of these symptoms appear at the same time, nor does every young person show all symptoms. It depends on the individual’s personality and on the drugs used. The frustrating part of many of these symptoms is that nearly all adolescents exhibit some of them for short periods during various stages of development.

Symptoms of suicide

Adolescents who are suicidal exhibit many of the characteristics as those suffering from alcohol or drug abuse. Some symptoms are obvious others are more subtle. Here are some examples:

• Extended periods of depression
• Loss of interest in activities
• Avoidance of family and friends
• Slurred speech, perhaps stuttering
• Loss of appetite
• Sudden changes in personality
• Sleeplessness, nervous exhaustion
• Lack of interest in the future
• Less sharing of thoughts
• Unusual failure in trying to reach goals
• Explicit talk of suicide

If our teenagers slump into prolonged periods where some of these symptoms are evident, we need to pay attention and offer them a chance to express their feelings. Some teenagers who threaten suicide may be seeking attention, but there is no way for us to readily distinguish between serious and less serious threats.

When a teenager threatens suicide, we need to seek help right away. Here are some organizations to call: your local crisis line, mental health clinic, suicide prevention center, a professional counselor or community resource center.

A teenager who has severe alcohol or other drug abuse problems or who shows consistently abnormal behavior may refuse to see a professional. In such a situation we must take the initiative and act decisively.

The majority of difficult incidents or phases need not ruin a teenager’s life or result in a family disaster. Help is available.

Remember your Employee Assistance Program is:
• Confidential: All information is kept strictly between you and your counselor
• Informal: A simple phone call starts the process and there’s no red tape.

For assistance call Hidalgo Health Associates at:
800-448-4470

Used with permission © 1987, 1996 by Hazelden Foundation, Revised 1996. All rights reserved. For more information about the Hazelden Foundation please visit: http://www.hazelden.org